Am I Forever A Faggy, Femmy Sissy Boi?

Will I forever be Daddy's creampuff of a sissy-boi queen?  Have I already gone too far that road to turn back?  Feels that way, but maybe not?  I'm so weak and suggestible, but it would probably take a little more guidance to turn me into a complete homosexual queer queen---but maybe not much!

Cold today, so maybe I need to wear panties and a slip and pantyhose and a bra!  Can keep my jacket on today.I know i'll be mincing and swishing around today, but I feel sooo nice when I do.  Giggle.  will be sooo fun.

A Futile Effort?

Didn't wear panties today, but I just didn't feel right.  I may have to wear some very silky slippery ones tomorrow.  Maybe pantyhose too.  I know I will feel so femmy faggy sissy boi, and maybe like a creampuff, but, but it is Friday.  Ready for the weekend.  I must admit that I wish I was planning going out as a made-up queer queen and partying this weekend.  Wonder if I will start smoking again over the weekend.  Did I regress back, or was I actually moving forward toward becoming even more faggy and femmy.  I am still dreaming of cocks, and sucking my first one.  Am I transforming into a homosexual no matter how hard I try to be a straight guy?  I am so weak.  It would just be so easy to give into these faggy femmy feelings.

Mt Name Is Davey

I should probably change the name here.  I'm not really Melinda---I am Davey.

I stopped outside David's Bridal Shop, and stared at the bridal gowns.  I just have dreams of wearing a bridal gown of layers of satin, silk, chiffon, and lace.  Do I really want to be a sissy boi bride?  I know I crave to wear a wedding dress.  Trying to put those sweet dreams behind me.  Wore silky nylon panties again to work.  Once again felt like a femmy faggy sissy boi.  Need to stop thinking that.  Wanted to have a delicious Virginia Slim 120 Menthol so I could puff away my masculinity, but I didn't have any with me!  Smoking those long feminine cigarettes fill my mind up with all sorts of femmy, faggy, sissy boi feelings and thoughts.  Will try to be more of a guy tomorrow.  But, after I wear a silky nylon nightie to bed.  Giggle.

Don't Look In The Panty Drawer

Was getting my cotton boxer shorts out yesterday morning, and saw my nylon panties buried underneath my mens underwear. I couldn't resist picking up a pair of the panties, and holding them.   They felt so silky and slippery and wonderful!  Before I realized what I was doing, I had slipped the pair on.  There was no way to bring myself to taking the panties off, so I ended up wearing them all day. I was getting those sissy girly faggy feelings all day that I'm trying to suppress!  Probably was swishing too!  I am going to have to be bmore careful today.  I know I should throw  all my sissy faggy boi queen things out, but I may be too weak to do it.  If I continue to wear silky panties, I won't be able to stop my sissification and transformation.

Am I Attracted To The Woman Or The Blouse?

Was out with friends yesterday, and I had trouble keeping my eyes off a woman there, who was wearing a rather sheer, very silky maroon blouse.  I could see through the blouse to her lacy bra.  I had thought that I might be transforming into being Gay, but I could stop sneaking looks at her.  Was I attracted to the woman, or was I falling in love with her blouse, and want to be wearing it myself?  Speaking of blouses,  I saw a YouTube video, Barbara's Pink Satin blouse, and I did want to look and be dressed like her.  I liked the smoking in Sissy Tranny Slut out for a public walk in the park. I actually own a sissy dress like she is wearing.  Giggle.  I could do a video like that!  Well, maybe not yet.  Giggle.

Speaking of hot YouTube videos, I was mesmerized by Sexy VS 120 Smoking in Red.  Have to watch that again.

Been so busy lately.  Maybe that is good.  Holding up on doing any big transitions in my life.  Maybe, I need to stop and "smell the roses."

Black Friday For Femmy Queen Boi?

Oooooo ---feels so scrumptious waking up in a slippery silky nylon baby doll nightie!  Could not resist putting it on last night.  But, of course, I had to dilute the feelings by putting my boy pjs over them... ahhh.  Well, darlings, can't have everything in this world, can we?  But, if only I had Daddy's hard juicy cock to suck when I woke up! And roll over on my tummy and have Daddy slip his delicious penis inside my pussy hole.  OOooo---fills me up so nicely.  And pump me full of his wonderful love juices.  I might even get pregnant!  Lovely! But, I would be probably still in bed cuddling and making out!

Smoked 2 delicious Virginia Slim 120 Menthols yesterday morning, and I'm not sure what happened.  I had to sit down after inhaling some good long streams of femming smokey clouds.  And I couldn't even stand upo.  I was in a daze for a couple of hours.  I am such a weakling sissy femmy queen.  The people over for Turkey Day probably just thought I'd had too much wine, but I really didn't drink very much.  I kept my swishing to a mininumum, and I don't think I lisped at all, but it would have been very natural to do so.  Might becoming more and more who I am.  I couldn't help fantasizing myself as being at the get-together in a long silky flowing skirt, a silky sheer slippery high collared, long sleeve femmy blouse, hose and heels and sexy silky lingerie underneath.  Of course, I was actually wearing a pair of silky nylon panties and sheer silky pantyhose all day under my pants.  I couldn't help but discreetly slipping my hand under my pants a number of times during the day to rub the all so silky and femmy feeling front of my panties which were feeling so delicious encasing my cock. But, I really would have preferred someone else rubbing the front of my panties...  ooo giggle.

Well, its Black Friday, and I was not one of those running out to the stores to shop at 5AM.  Actually, I guess a lot of places were open last night.  Well, nothing too exciting for this femmy bois to buy.  Do you think they had a sale on butt plugs?!  Giggle.

Hope all had a great Turkey Day.  Toodles.

Davey

Wasn't I Supposed To Be Purging?!

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Back From Short Trip

Went out for dinner.  Walked around the Gas Lamp District some.  Not too much.  Not a lot of time.  I could use a longer time away.  Kept eyeing the dressed up ladies---actually for what they were wearing rather for themselves.  Everytime I saw a girl smoking, it held my gaze.  Just have this craving of wanting to become addicted completely and irresistibly to smoking long feminine white 120 Menthol cigarettes.  Where I constantly need to light up.  And with strong feelings that I am a femmy, faggy, smoking sissy boi.  Why am I with a woman?

Going Down To Gas Lamp Quarter For Couple Of Days

Short trip to San Diego.  Stay near the Gas Lamp District.  Try out a restaurants, hear some music.  I love 80s and 70s music, so I'm not sure I will be able to find that.  Walking around there will probably drive me crazy as I see the ladies in their silky dresses with shiny nylon covered legs in high heels walking all around.  Maybe some even smoking long white narrow 120 feminine cigarettes.  With various shades of lipstick and glistening lipgloss making the lips on those cigarettes so sexy and marvelous looking.  I won't bring a nightie, but maybe some nylons.  Just be there until tomorrow.

Short Trip

Going down   to San Diego for just a couple days.  Just to go to a restaurant and walk around.  Maybe hear some music.  I like 80s and 90s Rock, so I'm not sure what we'll hear.  I think it would be a lot more exciting if I was going down as Davey than Dave.  As Davey I would be packing a silky sheer dress for a night out and sexy lingerie.  And a silky satiny negligee and nightgown.  Delicious Virginia Slim 120 Menthols or maybe Capris 120 Methols.  I understand parts of San Diego are very fun and welcome swishy, femmy, faggy queens.  A very active Gay community.  Nice.  Maybe be anticipating giving my first smokey blowjob!  mmmmmm

Staying the Course

Missed a couple days writing here.  Sorry, darlings!  Not writing with a lisp, am I ?  Trying not to be Gay- hah!  Of course nothing wrong with being Gay.  It's wonderful!  Especially femmy, swishy gay can be heavenly.

Going out of town on Tuesday and Wednesday, so may miss here a few days, but try to get back Thursday or Friday.  Have to work today.  Ooooo, already running late!  Must figure out what to wear.  Bought some new cotton boxers, but Monday maybe needs some silky nylon panties to get through the day.  Will stop that soooon, I think.  And the pantyhose, too!  No  lipstick today, honey.

Gotta to run.  Toodles.

Need To Stop Puffing My Masculinity Away

Thought I wasn't going to smoke anymore, but could not resist those delicious feminine Virginia Slim 120 Menthols.  Just had a couple, but I could feel my masculinity leaving me as I smoked.  Feel so like in a trance---so girly, so femmy and submissive.  What bliss...mmm...No more tomorrow.  But, I'm off tomorrow, so will be hard not to think about all those femmy faggy things.

Silky Sheer Blouse

I should track how things are going during this time of purging for me, I think.  So as to insure I don't lose my way and fall back into my femmy, faggy sissy boi ways.

I wanted to get out of the office at lunch today.  I decide that just a trip over to the local mall and a stroll around would help to clear my head.  I really did need some new men's cotton boxer undershorts. I had been neglecting my supply of men's underwear lately, and had been replacing them with silky nylon panties instead.  Since my plan is to stop wearing panties, I would need some new boxers.  I had not worn amy panties today, but couldn't bring myself to put on any mens underpants either.  I think without even thinking, I had slipped on some nylon thigh highs.  When I realized what I had done, I was going to take them off, but for some reason I felt I had to leave them on.  And, to make sure they didn't slip down, I put on a garter belt.  attaching the nylons to the clips on the garters gave me an incredible feeling of bliss.  I need to stop doing this!  Walking through Macy's Store, I really concentrated on not swishing.  Darlings, its such a forceful habit to get rid of swaying your hips.  I was totally in the wrong part of the store!  Women's sexy feminine blouses on all sides of me!  My eyes were captured by an all-so feminine, Emerald, silky-sheer ruffled blouse.  Mmmmmm-so lovely.  It was practically floating off the rack!  I had stopped and was just staring at the blouse.  My fantasies took me to all sorts of places that I must not go anymore!  I could feel the soft, smooth silkiness as I lightly touched the material.  It was polyester and nylon----my favorites!  The 3/4 sleeves were billowly and so very sheer.  I couldn't stop the thoughts of how I would look wearing the blouse, maybe with a matching chiffon skirt and a lacy bra that would show through the semi-transparency of the silky blouse.  Sometimes a nylon slip is also so wonderful to wear under a silky blouse so you can feel the silky over silky slipping over each other.  I had to pull myself away before i gave into the desire to buy the blouse, and perhaps break my purge!  I could already feel myself giving in as I managed to escape the department.  Will I ever be able to stop these femmy faggy feelings that have gotten such a hold over me?  I think that it must be possible.  Just need to not think about those feelings...

 

Purge!

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Transforming Into Femmy Gay Sissyboi

My name is Davey and I am a homosexual.  I want to be a homosexual.  I am becoming a femmy fetsish smoking faggy queen.  I belong in a relationship with a gay man, not with a woman in a marriage.  I want to be addicted to smoking delicious feminine Virginia Slim 120 Menthols.  I am wearing silky nylon panties more and more.  I dream of sucking cock and having my rear hole penetrated by cock, now.  I am giving in completely to these desires.

Finally Home

After traveling most of the day, finally got home.  Been gone all  week,  thought maybe compulsions to be femme and sissy would have receded.  But, I was craving getting into a satin half slip, nylon panties, nylon stockings more than ever as I got closer to being home.  And couldn't stop thinking about Virginia Slim 120s.

Going Through A Sissification Transformation

I am transforming into a femmy faggy sissy.  I love dressing in silky, sheer, frilly, slippery,satiny feminine clothing.  I grow weak just thinking of smoking a slender white feminine Virginia Slim 120 Menthol.  I'm not addicted, but i will be soon.  I think that i shall be retiring soon, maybe to relocate.  Not sure I can stop this transformation, even if i really wanted to.

Where From Here?

Feel like I'm drifting these days.  Not sure where I'm going, or who I will become.  I received hormones from Phoenix Project, but not sure I want to take them.  Not even sure they really work at all.  Probably should have ordered from IN-House Pharmacy if i really wanted to physically feminize myself.  But these might have some effect.  Anyone know?  Any experience with Phoenix Project.  But, maybe I'm really a femme sissy faggot?  I really need to suck a cock to find out if I really love it like I am craving it now.  Smoking some, and i may soon increase that.  No panties tomorrow.

Sissy Habits Taking Hold Again

I was actually starting to bring david back, but my Sissy thoughts and behaviors are taking over again.  Back to wearing nylon panties instead of mens cotton boxer shorts, nylon hose instead of socks, and I bought a pack of Virginia Slim 120 Menthols which I know I will smoke.  And my cock tells me that I want to be with another CD or man instead of a woman.  Am I sliding into becoming all sissy?

How long do cigarettes last?

I have a number of packs of Virginia Slim 120s stored in boxes in my closet.  Some of the packs are open.  How long are the cigarettes good for, I wonder?  I haven't been smoking.  Have thought about trying them again, but not sure if I should buy a new pack.  Not sure I really want to go back to smoking, but can't get the thought of those delicious smokey treats out of my mind.  Wore cotton boxers today under my mens slacks, but thought about silky nylon panties again.  Thinking about going to a Gay bar, but I'm not Gay!  Been feeling a bit lost actually.

Little Lost Girl

Feel lost lately.  Not been on computer much, which helps me focus.  Have mostly stopped smoking.  So don't get those intense feelings of being a fetish smoking sissy girl.  Have gone back to wearing mens boxer undershorts.  Not dressing much at all.  Still can't purge the femme feelings altogether.  But, without a mistress or master controlling me, my guy self is re-emerging I think.I was so close at one point to becoming completely feminized and sissified!   I was ready to start hormones, get castrated, suck a cock, get a cock up my rear  hole, move out to start dressing full-time.  Chain smoking Virginia Slim 120s---was almost 1-pack a day.  On the way to 2-pack a day.Was at the cliff of becoming totally girl ready to step off into no return to being a guy.  Than my Yahoo-crashed and from there a separation occurred.  Even forgotten my Fet-Life Password.  Have stopped hanging around the girl smokers at break.  Can I just be my guy-self?

Still Fiddling With My Computer

Computer still giving me grief.  Think I need a vacation or something.  Maybe go somewhere and live as a girl there.  Need to find out if I can do that.  Smoke and dress.  Wish I could find a cock to suck too!

Have New Yahoo- Am I Still Melinda

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Still Trying To Get Yahoo Going Again

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My Yahoo Account Is Down

I can't open my Yahoo.  Not my IM or my site.  Not sure what is wrong!  This is terrible!  I'm not very computer savy so I'm not sure what to do.

Had A Very Girly Day

Put on girly clothes all day, including my shiny pink frilly Sissy Dress and Sissy Collar.  I tried on some make up, but I really need to work on it.  But it was fun.  Took pictures of myself, but they didn't turn out how I wanted.  So I deleted them.  Getting better with the photos and I'll take more that I can post.  Also thinking of getting a new camera.  Thinking maybe a Cannon point and shoot (Sure Shot?).  Not a SLR but can do a lot of things with it anyway.  My day went way too quick.  Was going to go to the ABS to look for a dildo and a new anal plug, but ran out of time.  Hmmmm, fun just walk around those places, and maybe I'll wear a little something femme.  Not really ABS around here----just the foo-foo shops.  May have to go into Riverside for a place.  I'm such the naughty girl, but my Mistress knows that.  Be back here soon!  Maybe even today!

Need To Get Back Into My Blog/Diary

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Have Ordered Sissy Panties

I couldn't resist the silky, frilly nylon Sissy panties I saw on Amazon, and I HAD to have them.  I ordered them, and I can't wait for them to get here.  But, they are coming from China, so I guess they are taking a while.  Now, I'm wishing I had ordered more pairs.  Was in Las Vegas last week.  Could have had sooo much fun if I could have smoked and dressed more.  One of these days.  Maybe meet Mistress there.  Going to a training class tomorrow.  Not sure what to wear.  
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Going To Las Vegas

Heading for Las Vegas for a few days.  Be back Sunday.  Wish I was going there as a girl.  Unfortunately not too much girl time likely.  Will need to make up for it when I get back.  Is it the right time to start hormones?  I'm not sure Dear Diary.  A very big step, as I know they will transform me.  I need to get a dildo, because I want to practice giving smokey blowjobs.  I know I will be beyond turning back to my male self once I give one of those!

Been Away A While

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Cute Panties

I found some really cute panties on Amazon.com.  Very silky, frilly briefs that I just have to have!  Not sure how they are going to fit under my boy clothes, with all the ruffles they have, but I don't care.  I just love showing off how much a girly girl I am.  I need to order them soon!

Have Been Taking Estroven

Trying out an over-the-counter female hormone Estroven.  Maybe as a precursor to the real things from In-House Pharmacy.  Contains Black Cohosh, a female herb.  Made my nipples pop out some, and wake up excited but no erection.  Sleeping deeper.  It may have over come my conditioning that was making me awake at 3AM every night.  Too busy at work last week---not enough time to devote myself to the evolving girl in me.  But, I can still feel her emerging.  It would be nice to find another fetish smoking sissy girl in my area to meet with, talk, dress and smoke with.  Maybe even suck cocks together!!!!  Dream of cocks and I wake sucking on my thumb.

Woke Up At 3AM

Actually woke up at 3:05 AM.  Not sure why.  Goy out of bed and proceeded to take off my men's cotton pajamas, leaving me standing next to the bed wearing my silky nylon baby doll nighty.  As I was standing there trying to think of what I was doing, I went over to my closet to pull out my bathrobe, and I went into a box I keep in there and pulled out my Sissy collar.  Feeling like I was in a hypnotic trance,  I put the collar on around my neck and strapped it on.  I immediately felt 10 times more girly and submissive.  As I'm standing there thinking that I needed to go downstairs and turn on my computer, I heard the woman who I live with rustle around, and I felt panic.  I should have just gone downstairs, but I suddenly felt very tired and went back to bed.  Fortunately, I woke up somewhat later before the woman did, and I took off my Sissy collar, and put on my pjs to cover my nighty.  I think I really should have had a smoke and talked to Mistress.  

Babysitter Got Me Started Smoking

I was 10 years old when I first got started smoking.  I must have put it in the back of mind, but I remembered what happened to get me started smoking cigarettes.  I had this really cute girl babysitter when I was 10 years old.  I watched her smoking, and after she left the room, I took her pack of cigarettes and pretended I was smoking one.  Well, my sitter caught me.  Wow, did I think I was in trouble.  But, she was so sweet!  Instead of yelling at me and threatening to tell my parents, she took me in the bathroom, put makeup on me, put me in a silky party dress, and put a cigarette in my mouth.  I was in sooo much BLISS!  She was my sitter quite a few more times, and helped me become quite the smoking girl.  

I need to buy a dildo, because My Mistress wants me to learn how to suck a cock.  I was down on my knees practicing with a banana today.  Maybe I will be having the real thing before long.  I think sucking cock will change my view of myself completely.  What do they say, "Once you suck a cock, you are forever a cock sucker.

Having A Virginia Slim 120 Menthol Night Cap

OOOOOO- feeling so girly, so submissive, so loving a cigarette tonight.  Been a way for a while, but will try to keep my diary up.  I just need to give into my cravings---craving to smoke, craving to dress, craving to be a girl!  Late and need sleep.

Sissy Collar Has Me Under A Spell

My new sissy collar has me wanting to wear it all the time, and than not take it off once it's on!!  And when I'm wearing it, i feel so sissy, so submissive, so much a girl!  And I have not even really been collared!  I still belong to myself.  I can choose to not become more a sissy girl.  I think i still have freedom of choice...  If I can just keep from putting on that so sweet sissy collar...

Dreamed Of Putting On My Sissy Dress

It was a just sensuous dream of erotic femme proportions.  I dreamed that I put on my Sissy dress from Birch Place.    Ummmm yummm, what a thrill it was to be all sissied out in dress, panties, ruffles, collar---even though it was just a dream.  I think i must have gotten excited in my dream because i made a ungirly mess in my panties.  But, the really strange thing was that when I woke up this morning, I was wearing my sissy collar! And a butt plug!  I remember having the collar on---it made me feel so incredibly submissive and girly, and putting my butt plug inside me where it was feeling wonderful---but all in my dream!  So how did it happen that i had the plug in, and the collar on?! And of course, I did not want to take the wonderful collar off, nor the plug out!  I think if I had left the collar on any longer, I couldn't have brought myself to taking it off.  

Do I Need A Boyfriend

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Tried a Capri 120

Tried a Capri Indigo Menthol 120, and my clitty got so hard.  I knew I was all girl smoking it.  I was dressed in silky polyester black car wash pants and silky ruffled nylon blouse.  Took me to sissy girl heaven.  I still love my VS 120s, but these were so smooth.  So very skinny and femme.  I just wanted to be with my Mistress right than.  I love her and I want to be her girl forever.  I was so girly today and I will be even more girly tomorrow.

Pin View Tattoo Amazon Slave Girl Images Onlinecom on Pinterest

Pin View Tattoo Amazon Slave Girl Images Onlinecom on Pinterest 

Maybe I need a tatto?  Something like this?

Fighting A Cold

Cold just came on.  Feel wiped out.  If I had a flannel nighty, I would wear that tonight.  Probably go to bed early.  Looking forward to a smoking girly weekend, so I need to feel better.

Got My Sissy Dress!!

Dear Diary,

My Sissy dress arrived last week!  I was hypnotized by it!  It is so girly and so sexy!  It made me feel 100% a girl just by holding it.  Have been so busy, though, that I have barely enough time to try it on.  Just put it on somewhat because I knew if i put it all the way on and zipped up the back of the dress, it would have been almost beyond my will to take it off.  I need to set some uninterrupted time to wear it.  Also tried on the pink lacy collar which fit like I have always belonged wearing it.  Took every bit of my will power to take off the collar once it was on.  Other parts to the dress that I also need to put  on.  And, I haven't even smoked in it yet!!!

Problem With Internet Connection

Couldn't come here last night or this morning.  Had problem with no internet connection.  Started to watch old movie this morning, Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde.  Really a neat movie for being made quite a while ago.  I'd love to have the formula that transforms Dr. Jekyll into a beautiful sexy woman---of course, without the murderous impulses.  She left a lot of blood at the murder scenes---probably would have been caught early with the CSI techniques now---or if Dexter was around!  In the same era, Jack The  Ripper would surely have been apprehended. And of course, I hear London has so many cameras around, that his picture would have been soon shown!

Catch Up Day

Was gone all day yesterday and into evening.  Need to go into the office this morning, but hopefully back this afternoon to try and catch up  on everything---gift buying, etc.

Once Again No Panty Wednesday

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Been Away For A While

Didn't really have a purge---I'm too much a girl now for that, but my girl-self was mostly just running in place.  Feel like the girl in me got moving forward again last night.  I feel excited about it, and am looking forward to more changes.  I need to start trying on make-up, although I need to learn a lot about what make-up I need and how to put it on.  Lipstick is sooo much fun!!! So many pretty colors.  And it tastes wonderful.  Just feel so girly wearing it.  And wearing lipstick seems to go so well with smoking.  So very feminine and sexy to leave lipstick on my cigarette.

Been Missing

Dear Diary---Sorry.  Been not writing for a few days.  Brother-in-law staying here and driving me nuts!  Much harder to find Girl Time for me with him around.

I need to find out if my Sissy Dress has shipped.  They were making it last I saw.  Not sure how long it takes to ship.  Want to look for it so bro in law does not pick it up.  I really need my own personal mailing address.  Not even sure what happens when i get the dress, the ribbons, and collar.  will I just hide it away and not even wear it?  Too scary to put on?  Was experimenting with camera to try taking pictures on my computer, but have lagged on everything lately.  Had No Panty Wednesday, but didnt have the usual excitement that i do most of the time.  Bob has even been interfering with my smoking.  I havent stopped, but have slowed down some.

Am off tomorrow.  Hope to have some time to myself.  Maybe even get to talk to Mistress.  Maybe I'll just sit around in a dress and smoke all day!  Maybe I need to go out to a hotel room.  Maybe I should just retire ---maybe leave everybody here and move to Oregon?  I don't know.  I need someone controlling what I do.

He Is The Bride: Dress Up Week

He Is The Bride: Dress Up Week:   Maybe someday, i will wear these under my bridal gown.

sissy training extreme

sissy training extreme    I loved this!

Was Such A Cutie Yesterday

Mostly a sweet wonderful Valentine's Day yesterday.  I put on black silky car was pants and a sexy silky black blouse over a lacy black bra and nylon black slip and wore it most of the day---even out shopping a bit.  I felt soooo Girly and feminine wearing those things.  Also had on pink heels and a smudge of pink lipstick.  And i was fell completely into a trance having a Virginia Slim 120 with Mistress Alyssa.  I have not felt so high in a while, Giggle.  I couldn't believe how strong a hold over the silky slacks had on me.  I so much did not want to take them off.  Wish i could have spent even more time in them.  Maybe this Saturday---might have more of the day to dress up pretty.  And i was taking some pictures of my self.  Still trying to figure out how to put the pictures up here, in FetLife, and my Yahoo profile like Mistress Alyssa wants me to.  Will be playing around with that the next few days.  Can't stop thinking that I suddenly seem to moving more forward in my feminization.  Showed you a Lolita Dress that i'm having the itch to order.  And want to get even more girly clothes.  But, I should probably hold off until my dress from Birch Place gets here---soon, I hope.  Actually they said that they were making it, and that they would let me know as soon as nit shipped.  I just have this little feeling that that dress is going to change me even more.

Wore Lipstick Driving Home

I had a sudden compulsion to stop and buy a tube of lipstick right after leaving work last night.  Stopped at a CVS Pharmacy and picked up a tube of bright Pink (forgot the exact shade).  I also found myself wanting gloss, but couldn't find it.  Still feeling a need for it, so maybe I'll look for some gloss today.  Felt SOOO girly driving home with my bright pink lipstick on and also wearing high heels.  I was very aware of wearing the lipstick, except my thoughts seemed to blank out as I walked into the house.  Wow, I almost panicked as I realized as i got inside that I hadn't wiped off the lipstick.  I'm not ready yet to announce my girlhood to my wife, and she wouldn't have missed the lipstick i don't think!  But, she wasn't even home.  So I left the lipstick on for a while longer ---giggle. Felt so perfect walking around at home in heels and wearing lipstick, and just in a bra (no panties---No Panty Wednesday, giggle) and nylons and garter and a cami.  Pranced around for a while.  mmmm I'm such a girl!

Classic Satin Stand-up Collar Empire Multi-Layer Floor-length Lolita Dress With Ruffles– Discount Lolita Dresses

Classic Satin Stand-up Collar Empire Multi-Layer Floor-length Lolita Dress With Ruffles– Discount Lolita Dresses

Now that I've ordered my Sissy Dress, I'm getting the itch to order more things!

Tired Of Being A Husband

Wife getting on my nerves today.  Keeps wanting me to be a man.  That is getting harder and harder to fake.  Had to sneak away to smoke, which calmed me down and made me feel like the girl I am.  Only got to wear panties because wife acting suspicious.  I would love to be able to hang out with other Fetish Smoking Sissy girls like me.  Would love to dress and smoke with someone.  And I am not attracted to wife's pussy anymore, I think I need to suck on a nice juicy cock.  No place to  go around here.  Put my butt plug in---felt so good.  Maybe look for a dildo too.  Starting to think about hormones.  That might push me over the edge into complete girlhood!

Car Races Today

Went with some friends to watch a couple of the guys drive race cars on the track.  I almost felt like one of the wives.  Giggle.  Except I didn't have a husband there.  Giggle...  But, sitting there with the other girls, wearing of course, panties, nylons, and cami under jeans and a sweatshirt.  And sneaking away for a smoke a couple of times.   mmmmm---I think I could learn to live as a girl for all the time.  Thinking about when I will get my Sissy dress.  Not quite sure what's going to happen, then, but I am so looking forward to it.  Trying to change my Avatar, but messed it up.  Damn, I am such an airhead around computer and tech stuff. Giggle.

Ordered My Sissy Dress And Sissy Things!

I finally did it!  Not sure how it happened, but I was talking with Mistress Alyssa, and the NEED to order became completely irresistible!  I had to go do it right while I was talking with her!  I order the satin frilly pink Sissy Dress with matching panties, the Mincing Ribbons with locks, and the shiny satiny pink Sissy Collar that I need to be wearing very soon.  It was more expensive than i really wanted to spend, but I felt i really had no choice, that i was craving it so much that I just had to have it.  My will is pretty much gone anyway.  I think i was so excited all day, that I forgot to write here in my diary!  Bad girl!  I don't know, but I already feel different now that I have ordered---somehow more girly, more a submissive Fetish Smoking Sissy girl.  And I want to show who I am to the world!  I am a girl and I want to be a better girl.

Was So Much A Woman Going To Work Today

Had on smooth nylon panties, a lacy bra, a silky camisole, nylon hose under my yucky men's clothes going to work today.  Took my high heels and lipstick with, which I kept thinking about putting on all day.  Used some chap stick and pretended that it was lipstick.  Went outside to smoke and slipped on my heels.  I really  belonged in a silk blouse and a nylon skirt.  Would have felt much better.  What would really feel nice would be the Sissy dress, the erotic mincing ribbons, and the frilly sissy collar that I am on the verge of ordering.  I probably should go get my card so that I can order them.  But, i am nervous about ordering them----I just have this feeling that things will change for me if I order them.  I just seem to be in a daze about the whole thing.  Waiting for myself to do something, but I'm paralyzed.  I find that i am less able to decide things anymore.  Who am i becoming?  I don't think i know anymore.  I don't know if I'm deciding anymore.  It's being decided for me i think.  Maybe I don't have a choice anymore.  I think I will find out soon.

Put Sizes Into Birch Place

Went to my account on Birch Place, and decide I needed to re-do all my sizes.  Took quite a while.  Finally just finished up, and I guess I'm procrastinating placing my order.  But, it is all set up, and i have my debit card ready to enter into the payment box.   Was No Panty Wednesday, so i won't be wearing panties to bed tonight.  Was going to buy a pack of Eves tonight, but didn't stop.  Not sure why.  Realized i was wearing high heels on the drive home and i didn't want to get out of my vehicle i guess.  Anyone else smoke Eve's.  They do have a very feminine pack.  I guess i'm hesitating ordering my Sissy dress, because there is a feeling that things will change after that.  I'm not sure why I should have that feeling, but it is drifting around my mind.  I have to be careful in that i sometimes go into automatic behavior and my mind goes blank and i just do things.  Maybe its that I am seemingly always on the verge of dropping into a trance, and i fall into a hypnotic trance so easily.

Wore My Butt Plug today

Dear Diary---Also wanted to say that I wore my butt plug today.  I'd forgotten how much I enjoy the feeling of having that in me.  But, I need to get a new one I think.  This one doesn't stay put very well and doesn't go as deep as I would like.  Need to go looking.  planning to order my Sissy dress, mincing ribbons, and sissy collar tonight.  Should  finally have the alone time i need to get through the process.  Oh, and  it's No panty wednesday tomorrow (this morning?) too.  Got to be really femmy.  Wow---am I getting to  be more girl!

Had To Stop For Cigarettes

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I Love Lipstick On My Cigarette

Applied a little lipstick before smoking a cigarette today.  Left a red mark on the cigarette that was so feminine and sexy.  Didn't want to wipe the lipstick off, but it was red, and I had to (I guess).  OMG---I ran out of cigarettes today, and didn't have a chance to buy another pack.  I'm without cigarettes tonight.  Wonder if I should see how long I can go without a smoke to see if I am really addicted.  I do want one now, but I think I could go without for right now.  Need to re-do my measurements so I can order my Sissy dress from Birch Place.

Back From Mammoth Mountain

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Leaving You For A Few Days

I'm getting very used to coming here everyday, but I'm going to be gone for a few days.  It's a little freaky for me to be away--- I feel like I need to be here trying to be more a girl everyday, even though I think I'll have fun where I'm going.  But, I'm at a point that if I'm not being girly, I don't feel good.  Hmmm---well I guess I'll have to be some girly while I'm away.  And, I am sooo going to be more a sissy smoking girl when i get back! Giggle...Of course, my smokes go with me.  Maybe I need to become a 2-pack a day girl when i get back?  And, my Sissy dress will be here soon after I get back, and than we shall really see if my sissy girl inside comes out more and takes over.  I know my head will be swirling with wondering where I am going to go with things after I get back.

Almost forgot to say how really sweet it is to be a girl on No Panty Wednesday!  I just had to use just a smudge of lipstick ---just because I felt so feminine... giggle.  And I slipped on my heels on in my office and left them on all the while I was in there.  They just felt so perfect.  I'm still getting used to wearing them, but I think they will become natural---even necessary to wear if I keep wearing them.

Well, all you ladies and girls---don't think any guys are reading this (although they could), and I think my diary is a girl, too, aren't you sweetie?  I should probably be getting ready for bed.  Still wearing my nighty under my guy pj's but maybe soon that will change.  Maybe time to squeeze a delicious Virginia Slim 120 in---mmmm PLEASURE---they give me so much happiness.

Ready To Order Sissy Dress

I went to my credit union and put money into a debit card to use to order the Mimi Satin Sissy Dress from www.thesissystore.com.  Also getting the matching petticoat, matching sissy girl satin pink panties, the Sissy Collar and Cuffs set, locks, and Mincing Ribbons.  I just hope i put enough money on the card.  The only thing that might hold me up ordering now is that I'm going out of town on Thursday through the weekend, and i might want to wait till im back.  Also the debit card takes 24 hours to activate.  But, the dress will soon be on the way to me.  I'm so excited about the dress, but also nervous some.  I am just partly anxious that my sissification (and maybe feminization too) will take a big step after the dress is with me.  Well, maybe I'll just have a sweet Virginia Slim 120 because the creamy white smoke just makes all my worries fade away as i smoke and i just care about being girly.

Just Letting The Cigarette Take Me To Girl Land

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Was Cold Here

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I keep Dressing More Girly

Wore a blouse today.  Wife saw me and gave me a funny look, but we really didn't talk or see each other much.  I found myself actually looking at adds for "Divorce!"  Am I moving to this?  I definitely am moving toward being a better girl everyday.  Wore just a hint of lipstick.  Am I moving more toward completely dressing everyday?  Was so frustrated!Was going to order the sissy dress, mincing ribbons, and sissy collar (pink and lacy!), but got stuck on working on taxes.  Ugh!  Expensive----going to have to pay!  Keeps popping in my head that I need a tatoo!  Really?  Yes!  But, not sure what I should get. Maybe that is too much of a dramatic change!  Mistress Alyssa is right (of course she is!).  I need another girl to smoke with.  Would be so much more fun to smoke with another girl.  Need to get my sissy dress, than take more steps in becoming a better girl.  Need to get there and than maybe Mistress will let me know where next I'm headed.

What Is My Next Step?

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Moving Closer To Divorce

I'm not sure divorce is what I want, but I don't think my wife will accept the sissy feminine fetish smoking girl i am increasingly becoming.  I have been sleeping in a separate bedroom and wearing nylon nighties to bed.  I wear nylon panties instead of cotton boxers, nylon hos instead of socks, camisoles and slips instead of t-shirts, and often a bra.  Increasingly, heels are replacing my men shoes.  I have started to wear blouses at home.  And although she realizes that i am smoking, she thinks i only smoke a little and she is really pushing me to quit smoking.  And I love Mistress Alyssa and not her.  I want to start trying makeup and maybe even hormones.  I got a debit card so i can order from Birch place a sissy dress, mincers, a sissy collar and sissy panties.  I crave being a smoking sissy girl.  I dont think there is anyway i could stop my now steady progression into becoming a complete girl.  Everytime now i talk to Mistress Alyssa I go deeper under her control.  I dont know what Mistress Alyssa has planned for me, but i am now ready to do everything she decides for me.  I want her to completely brainwash me so I only think what she puts into my head.

Had To Write In Diary

Got out of warm bed to write here.  Couldn't let "day" go by without writing here.  Didn't have time earlier, but woke up in middle of night with irresistible need to do this!  No Panty Wednesday has become a permanent part of my life.  Will soon have my sissy dress I think.  I am a fetish smoking sissy girl and i want to show everyone that is  who i am.

Back To Work

Work wasn't as bad today as I thought it would be.  Got involved in some projects.  But problem was I was identifying so much as a woman, that I was having a very difficult time just being a girl in everything i was doing at work.  I just kept feeling that i should be in full makeup, a wig, skirt blouse, bra, lingerie, heels and hose.  And of course I need to smoke my Virginia Slim 120s.  I wish i could just transition.  Not sure what im going to do about home.  Wife would never accept the girl me.  But, I keep becoming more and more a girl, and less and less good at acting like a guy with her.  But, i need to keep going further and further into being the girl who is really me.  I cant stop it.  I dont want to stop it.  I just want to be Mistress Alyssa's Fetish Smoking Sissy Girl.  Hard to find time to write here in my diary but i have to.  Dont feel right until i do.

Shopping On The Holiday

Nice to have a day off.  Got dressed pretty and feminine to go out shopping. I felt so much like the girl I am. I want everyday to be girly and feminine.  How am I going to do that?  I am also a sissy, and I MUST have my Sissy clothes.  Was going to order them today---I'm not sure why I suddenly fely a compulsion to order them that I could not resist, but my femme feelings were so strong today.  And I smoked a pack and a half today and felt even more a girl.  But, my Credit Union was not open today, so I couldn't get money into the account I needed to in order to order my Sissy dress, sissy collar, and rest of my Sissy things.  I just realized that after I get my Sissy Collar, do I become a Collared Sissy?  Must to do it in the next couple of days.

Wearing Lipstick While I'm Smoking A Cigarette

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New Year's Resolutions

1)  Write here daily.
2)  Buy the Sissy dress, mincers, and sollar from Birch Place
3) Become a 2-pack a day Virginia Slim 120 smoker
4) Suck my first cock
5) Give my first smokey BJ
6) Become more girly
7) Become a Collared Sissy
8) Let everyone know that I am a Fetish Smoking sissy girl
9) Start on female hormones
10) Get breast implants
11) Move to Oregon
12) Get a divorce

Did I leave anything off my list?