Saturday, May 19, 2012

i am a girl and need to become a complete woman

having to deal with car issues from the accident when i should be working on ordering my satin sissy dress, my mincers, and my sissy collar from birch place.  Expensive deductible on car and still problems.  Delaying get the things i really need---like my girly things.  And I have been walking around in a daze.  Smoked 10 delicious mind dazing Virginia Slim 120 cigarettes yesterday.  The long white feminine cigarettes hypnotize me and all i feel is sexy submissive femininty and just a feeling of wanting to show that.  Brother in law still with us, and that makes it difficult.  But, urge to show my femininty so strong that i was letting a long lacy slip hang out just a little from the bottom of my shorts when he was around.  Not sure he noticed.  I am having such a compulsion to show my girl self. And now, even strong thoughts of starting hormones.  Where Am I Going?  Is this all getting too crazy??!!!

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Car Accident

As if things couldn't get worse.  Had car accident a couple of days ago.  Ok, but car in shop a while.  Been car challenged.  And will have expensive deductible.  Was getting ready to order things from Birch Place, but money a bit short.  I am mesmerized by the shiny lacy things as I stare at their pictures...  I need to be dressed in them.  But, having to deal with other things.  Not sure where I'm going with things.  I think that i am still attracted to women.  I think about sucking a cock, but I'm not attracted to men---at least I dont think I am...

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Just Awful News

Dolores told me she has another job and will be leaving.  I feel so alone.  She was a good friend.  One I could share my girl self and my smoking with.  Now I have no one.  I can't even go home and have my wife hold me.  I am so upset.  Feeling so down and not sure what I should do next.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Completely Girl Underneath

Having been wearing complete set of lingerie undernearth my Boy clothes at work.  Satiny bra, nylon panties, silky cami, nylon hose, a garter (sometimes pantyhose).  I feel so much a girl.  Almost feel silly putting on guy clothes over.

Not much computer time here lately.  Wife around too much, and she seems determined to keep me involved with her.  Not sure what to think about that.

I realize that I think i am still attracted to women.  I find them pretty and maybe its just that I want so much to look and be like them.  Not really attracted to guys most of the time.  Maybe i'mnot Gay?

Need to order my Sissy things from Birch Place.  But, still working on sizing and setting up PayPal.  Anyone know how to do that?

Keep going back to the In House Pharmacy site to look at their female hormones.  Not sure I can do that.  Would be wonderful to have my Jigglies grow even more, to have soft skin, and feel even more feminine.

Dolores was not around last couple of days.  Think she took some time off.  I got a little lax on my smoking.  Enjoy it so much when i do smoke, but not to point -yet- that I have to smoke.  I want to practice more smoking like a girl so I can make my Mistress Alyssa happy with me.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

I'm Pregnant

It felt sooo wonderful having Mistress Alyssa's cock go deep into my vagina.  It felt incredibly good!  And she released her love juices in me, and I immediately knew she had impregnated me.  It felt so wonderful being pregnant.  I am such a girl!  Except the morning sickness.  That wasn't fun.  My tummy got so big.  And my boobs engorged with milk.  I did enjoy a lot of different eats!  Pickles and ice cream!  mmmmmmm.   And than I went through child birth.  I am truly a woman now. 

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Told Dolores I'm A Girl

Told Dolores at work a couple of days ago that I'm a Transgendered woman.  She gave me a big hug and kissed me on the cheek.  She told me that she felt that was wonderful.  She said that she knew I was really a girl.  She asked me if I was on hormones yet.  I told her that I really han't gotten very far with it yet.  We enjoyed a couple of cigarettes together to celebrate.  I had my Virginia Slim 120s Menthol, and Dolores had Eve 120 Menthols.  I think I shocked myself and have felt a bit weird the past few days thinking that maybe I have gone too far.  What will Dolores be thinking I will do next?   What am I thinking i will do next?  I start thinking that I have to fulfill the role now?  Have I crossed a line?  Well, it's No Panty Wednesday today, so I need to figure out what to wear.  Had trouble connecting up the computer the last couple of days.  A problem with the router I think.  I think I buried myself in work to try to avoid thinking too much about where I'm going with my feminization.  I know I have an order pending with Birch Place for all my new things, and I NEED more new things now---clothes, hormones?  My head is in a tizzy.  And i haven't talked to Mistress Alyssa in a couple of days.  I am feeling withdrawals.  Well, must go for now.