Cute Panties

I found some really cute panties on Amazon.com.  Very silky, frilly briefs that I just have to have!  Not sure how they are going to fit under my boy clothes, with all the ruffles they have, but I don't care.  I just love showing off how much a girly girl I am.  I need to order them soon!

Have Been Taking Estroven

Trying out an over-the-counter female hormone Estroven.  Maybe as a precursor to the real things from In-House Pharmacy.  Contains Black Cohosh, a female herb.  Made my nipples pop out some, and wake up excited but no erection.  Sleeping deeper.  It may have over come my conditioning that was making me awake at 3AM every night.  Too busy at work last week---not enough time to devote myself to the evolving girl in me.  But, I can still feel her emerging.  It would be nice to find another fetish smoking sissy girl in my area to meet with, talk, dress and smoke with.  Maybe even suck cocks together!!!!  Dream of cocks and I wake sucking on my thumb.

Woke Up At 3AM

Actually woke up at 3:05 AM.  Not sure why.  Goy out of bed and proceeded to take off my men's cotton pajamas, leaving me standing next to the bed wearing my silky nylon baby doll nighty.  As I was standing there trying to think of what I was doing, I went over to my closet to pull out my bathrobe, and I went into a box I keep in there and pulled out my Sissy collar.  Feeling like I was in a hypnotic trance,  I put the collar on around my neck and strapped it on.  I immediately felt 10 times more girly and submissive.  As I'm standing there thinking that I needed to go downstairs and turn on my computer, I heard the woman who I live with rustle around, and I felt panic.  I should have just gone downstairs, but I suddenly felt very tired and went back to bed.  Fortunately, I woke up somewhat later before the woman did, and I took off my Sissy collar, and put on my pjs to cover my nighty.  I think I really should have had a smoke and talked to Mistress.  

Babysitter Got Me Started Smoking

I was 10 years old when I first got started smoking.  I must have put it in the back of mind, but I remembered what happened to get me started smoking cigarettes.  I had this really cute girl babysitter when I was 10 years old.  I watched her smoking, and after she left the room, I took her pack of cigarettes and pretended I was smoking one.  Well, my sitter caught me.  Wow, did I think I was in trouble.  But, she was so sweet!  Instead of yelling at me and threatening to tell my parents, she took me in the bathroom, put makeup on me, put me in a silky party dress, and put a cigarette in my mouth.  I was in sooo much BLISS!  She was my sitter quite a few more times, and helped me become quite the smoking girl.  

I need to buy a dildo, because My Mistress wants me to learn how to suck a cock.  I was down on my knees practicing with a banana today.  Maybe I will be having the real thing before long.  I think sucking cock will change my view of myself completely.  What do they say, "Once you suck a cock, you are forever a cock sucker.

Having A Virginia Slim 120 Menthol Night Cap

OOOOOO- feeling so girly, so submissive, so loving a cigarette tonight.  Been a way for a while, but will try to keep my diary up.  I just need to give into my cravings---craving to smoke, craving to dress, craving to be a girl!  Late and need sleep.