Relatives Staying Over

Wife's relatives staying at house.  Makes things awkward.  Hope they leave soon.  Arm bothering me again. Want it to go away!  Got a new garter (black).  Sexy and feminine.  Maybe wear for No Panties Wednesday.  Have a meeting that day.  Need to be discreet and keep my girl colors from flying too high---I think...  Hard because i love showing off my girly self!  Bought some new nylons, but they are too coarse.  I want the silky smooth ones.  Need a PO Box!!!  So I can order the right things! (maybe even girl hormones?).  So many girly frilly satiny dresses that I could get!  Saw a new "Smoke" shop nearby.  Need a new silver cigarette case.  Ran out of cigarettes the other day.  Not smoking so many, but I do love them.  Still have not tried the menthol.  Dolores tells me that they are more addictive because you take the delicious creamy smoke deeper inside you and hold it longer.  She says that she goes back and forth between regular and menthol.  Maybe not smoking enough lately.  Been dreaming of sex with women!  Thinking how pretty and sexy they are.  But, maybe thinking about how i want to be?  I do love dressing!  Have been fantasizing about sucking cock, taking its juices all the way in me; and having a man pump my rear pussy with his rock hard cock.  Need to run---probably one of my wife's relatives getting up soon.  Wish I was changing from a silk nighty to a satin sissy dress and adjusting my sissy slavegirl collar.

Went Skiing Today- Wanted to wear Girl Ski Clothes

Spent a day up in the mountains skiing today.  Looked at the girl skiers and wanted to have their butts in tight ski pants, my boobs spilling out over the top of bibs. 

Dear Diary

Was a very girly No Panty Wednesday.  Just because it felt so natural to be girly.  I can't tell where I'm going or where I will end up, but so often in a bit of a daze that it doesn't really seem to matter.  Losing interest in working, in paying attention to my wife, and all the things which used to be my life.  More and more I just want to wear something silky and feminine; and to see how girly I can become.  And of course, becoming an addicted sissy smoking girl.  Paying attention to how i smoke--- how to hold my cigarette, looking feminine and sexy doing it. And talking to my Mistress Alyssa.  Those are the things that have become important to me.  I might need to retire and get divorced soon the way I am going. 

Acting Like A Girl At Work

I was such a girly at work today.  I couldn't help myself.  Swishing my hips, holding my arms out, crossing my legs.  I don't usually see a lot of people, but one woman I see a bit and we have hit it off is, unusually enough, a lesbian.  She told me today that it is about time I came out!  She said that she always knew I was Gay.  I told her that I didn't think I was gay, but maybe transgendered.  Dolores told me that she could tell that I was very feminine and that I really belonged with a man, not with my wife.  She said that it was very right that I had stopped wearing my wedding ring.  Dolores said that maybe she could find a male friend to fix me up with.  I tried to tell her that no, I didn't want to date a man, but somehow I couldn't get anything out. 

I didn't get much work done today, as i kept feeling a craving to be smoking a delicious Virginia Slim 120.  I don't know if I smoked half a pack today, but I think i might have.  Dolores told me that as much pleasure as I seemed to be experiencing smoking and inhaling that creamy white smoke, that I would soon be a 2-pack a-day smoker.  Dolores said that I already looked like a slave to cigarettes.  She said that I should try the VS 120 menthols because they are smoother and you can take the smoke in deeper and hold it.  The addiction becomes even stronger she said.  I think she does 2 packs a day, although i don't see her all the time. 

I talked to Countessa of Countessa's Closet today.  She was sooo sweet.  Called me Baby Girl.  She said that she would love to do my make-over.  She said that she has a wonderful shop in Studio City, even that she gets movie stars who come in.  She says that all her practioners at the shop at t-girls except her and one other genetic female.  She says that she knows many doms and works with doms and their subs often.  She that there are many t-girl activities that take place from the shop---going out to dinner, clubs (Oil Can Harry's). Countessa said that she has lots of femme clothes that she sells at the shop---many many more than what are shown on her web-site.  She said she would love to talk to my Mistress. 

Well it is time to slip into my nylon Baby Doll nighty for bed.  Wife still might be awake so i must put on my male pjs over my sweet silky erotic nighty.  Good night all.  I might see if i can wake up later and see if i can find my Mistress Alyssa.  I love her so much and want to be her girl more and more.

Didn't Get To Smoke VS 120 Methols Yet

Came downstairs with my new Virginia Slim 120s Methols to smoke with my Mistress, but wife came down too, so didn't have the chance.  Although I'm very excited to try out the new type, I'm holding off trying them until i can smoke them with Mistress.

Was a cleaning day today.  Not much time to dress or smoke.  Booo Hoo Hoo.

I found a feminization transformation service up in Los Angeles.  It is Countess's Closet (ph: 818.763.9806).  I should probably have Mistress decide on how they are going to make me look.  Also, In-House Pharmacy  appears to be a very good place to order hormones from.  I feel like I am getting to a point where i should slow down this transformation i am going through, and try to think about what i am doing, but i can't seem to.

Smoking has become so PLEASURABLE to me.  I want to smoke more and more.  I keep telling myself, although, i am not addicted to cigarettes.  I have started to have cravings for them, but not all the time.  I could refuse them, if i wanted to.

Menthol vs Regular

I have been smoking the Virginia Slim 120 Regulars, but I wonder if I should also give the Virginia Slim 120 Menthol a try.  Thank god I'm off tomorrow.  Hope I can move forward in my feminization.

What Is Happening To Me??!!

I think I had something in mind to say, but suddenly it was more important to light up... a delicious feminine sexy Virginia Slim 120.  Mmmmmmmm whooooosh feel so nice.  I am Mistress Alyssa's fetish smoking sissy girl and i want to be even more of one.  What else could i have been thinking?  I have become obsessed in learning to hold and smoke a cigarette like the sissy smoking girl I am.  I am trying to look to see how the other girls do it, but I want to do everything as my Mistress decides I should.  Eventually it will become automatic I think.    I had to take Vicodin for my arm, and it was so nice because I think it made the cigarettes even more addicting and blissful, and made me ready to give up everything and anything for my Mistress Alyssa.  Maybe I should take that Albion to help brainwash me even further.  I hear that the female hormones also help you become very submissive, and as they change you, you love being a girly sissy.  I think that david deep inside might have been trying to pop out but those creamy clouds of cigarette smoke push him back deeper and deeper.  I don't want to wear cotton anymore---I love chiffon next to my sweet silky skin.    Maybe I should be wearing a harem girl outfit because I am surely Mistress Alyssa's sissy slavegirl.
 

Wasn't Planning To Shop Tonight

After a dreamy No Panty Wednesday, I was just going to head home.  But, hardly realizing it I pulled off the freeway a couple of ramps early on my way home from work. I just had to buy 3 bras!  A black one, a red one, and a white one.  I headed into Wal-Mart, and found the bras.  Since I was wearing one, it felt very right to me to be buying more.  Especially since I have been feeling such a strong compulsion to wear a bra more and more.  I found a black one, and a white one, but for some reason, I knew I should be getting a red one and I couldn't find one in my size (42-44 C).  I was frantic, but I really didn't have time to go anywhere else.  I felt a little better when it came to me as I was already out of the store that I already have a red bra, although I would have bought a new one if I had found one.  I have a feeling that I will be needing more bras.  I also looked for Brandy colored lipstick, but could find that either.  I think I wanted to strike up a conversation with the woman check out lady, but she didn't seem interested.  I know i still have more shopping to do.  I need more nylon hose and pantyhose, and I only have a couple of camis.  And I want to wear the dresses. 

I didn't quite have the overwhelming craving to smoke as I did yesterday, nor those waves of feeling feminized sweep over me like they did yesterday, but I thought about how much I wanted to have my mind totally wiped clean and have all my thoughts replaced with Mistress Alyssa's.  I want Mistress Alyssa to so alter me both mentally and physically that all there is is Mistress Alyssa's fetish smoking sissy girl.

Mistress Alyssa Is In My Mind

As I got dressed this morning after a delicious smokey treat Virginia Slim 120 and listening to my Mistress Alyssa, I felt like a business woman as I put on a camisole, a bra, panties and panty hose.  An I needed to put on a silky blouse and A-line skirt and pumps.  I wanted my lacy cami to show through silky sheer material, and my nyloned legs being caressed by the hem of my skirt.   During the day, I felt the feminine and erotic feeling of my slippery silky cami slipping over my bra, and I adored the sensation.  At different times of the day, I would slip into a state of bliss as I heard Mistress Alyssa telling me to light up a cigarette.  And I slipped out enough to smoke 8 cigarettes.  Mmmmmm, I enjoyed my smokes sooo much.  I could find my mind starting to think about having a smoke, and in a few moments I was  giving into what was a craving to have a tasty smokey treat.  And I kept hearing Mistress Alyssa whispering to me, and I felt my clity getting hard from feeling her words even though i couldn't understand her words.  But, I found myself chanting, Good girls obey, I am a good girl, i obey at different times during the day throughout the day.  I felt so wonderful saying those right words.  So right for me now. 

Surrendering To Craving For Smokey Treat

Was just about ready to run out the door, and my thoughts about a delicious Virginia Slim 120 turned into a CRAVING.  Normally, I would have just ignored it, but I found that my mind just shut down and I am sitting here greatly enjoying a smoke on a Virginia Slim 120.  I simply had no resistance to the desire to smoke a cigarette RIGHT NOW.  I sit here thinking about a number of other things, including how far into bliss the anal plug helped push me into.  I need to do that more often.  And, of course the beautiful picture of my alluring Mistress Alyssa.  But, my mind is telling me that it really wouldn't matter what Mistress looks like---I am so far under her control now, that I will obey her and love her and want to be owned by her however she appears.  I will see what she wants me to see, do what she wants me to do, become whom she wants me to become.  I biggest desires are to become completely a girl and to serve Mistress Alyssa as her fetish smoking sissy girl and i will do everything that i need to do to accomplish those things. 

Sweet Dreams Of My Mistress Alyssa

Woke up feeling so feminine in my silky nylon baby dolls.  What a girly I am.  And so loving that I am.  Slept too late.  Need to go to work.  I should just retire and be Mistress Alyssa's fetish smoking sissy girl full-time.  I could serve her every need and want while wearing a satin frilly sissy dress and her sissy collar. MMMMMMMMMMMMMm.  Wanted to see my Mistress this morning, but i slept too late.  Dreamed seeing the picture of Mistress Alyssa. I was mesmerized by her picture.  I just felt so in love with her.  i want to be her submissive sissy girl forever. And i think it may happen.

P L E A S U R E

I didn't know how much PLEASURE smoking sweet feminine Virginia Slim 120s would give me.  Especially dressed in my matching silky polyester red blouse and long skirt, while under the complete control of my Mistress Alyssa.  And than waves of pure ecstasy from my anal plug moving in and out of my rear pussy.  My mind became completely melted.  I think I knew that I wanted Mistress Alyssa to turn me into a complete girl.  I just didn't know how much bliss being Mistress Alyssa fetish smoking sissy girl I would be overwhelmed by.  After I said good bye to my Mistress tonight, I could barely leave.  I wanted be there all night smoking and being a girl while under the control of Mistress Alyssa.  I knew i needed to go to bed, but nothing else existed but smoking, being dressed, and being with Mistress Alyssa.  I know I wanted to be changed and Mistress Alyssa has changed me.  And now I face going further into becoming completely a girl, completely Mistress Alyssa's fetish smoking sissy girl. 

The Girl I Am Today

Was all girl today.  Well, I did not show all when I went out today, but perhaps with Mistress Alyssa's guidance, even that will happen. I did some shopping although I admit that I did go take a nap in my nighty after a wonderful talk with Mistress Alyssa this morning.  I could not find a dress I want, but I do have a few to wear.  Enough for a weekend, but will need more when I dress fully as a girl more often (more and more).  I got some lipstick, but not sure it is right one.  I should have looked when I was at the mall, but i forgot and had to resort to stopping by Rite Aide.  I 'm sure Mistress Will have me getting some more.  Have not yet tried wearing it.  I have painted my finger nails with clear polish.  They are so shiny and pretty now.  I did smoke more Virginia Slim 120s today also.  I think I smoked too many before lunch as I wasn't interested in food, just another smoke and I was getting a headache from no food.  i should have a delicious Virginia Slim 120 right now.  So heavenly to just be sleeping in a nylon nighty tonight.  Have also been listening to a lovely recording Mistress sent to me.

Need To Do More Shopping

I wasn't the best girl I should have been today.  I did dress very girly- bra, panties, cami nylons---mmm I was floating on a pink cloud all day.  I felt more committed to being a girl today.  Im slipping further into the NEED to wear silky feminine things.  Usually dont have to work late if at all on Fridays, but had some meetings today.  Kept my jacket on to hide my lacy cami and the outline of my bra.  Popped a bra strap----mmm.  Need more bras if Im going to be wearing them all the time.  Worked too late to shop although i was very strongly feeling the need to shop.  I guess I'll wear my white dress or maybe another tomorrow morning and see were I am guided into doing from there.  I craved my Virginia Slim 120s today, but I dont think I smoked as many as 10.  But, I think I maybe coming along in my addiction to smoking.  At times of the day, I felt a real need to smoke.  At least at this point, I can push away the craving and put the need to smoke a cigarette out of mind.  Not sure if that will true anylonger after this weekend if I keep increasing my smoking.  There is a guy who wanted me to come over to his house dressed as a girl and to suck his cock.  But I dont think my Mistress Alyssa wants me to do this, and also he is against smoking.  I have vague recalkl---that is starting to slip away, that I was once very much against smoking too.

I Was So Girly Today

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I'm A Girl

I'm a girl now.  But, the question is "how much of a girl will I become?"  I love that I am a girl, and I would never go back to being a guy, if I ever was a guy.  But, how far down the road of girlhood will I travel?  People have already started to wonder if I'm gay.  I often cant stop acting feminine.  I was swaying my hips today---maybe because I was feeling like I had a big butt.  But, how much further am I going to change?  Will I take hormones.  Start wearing lipstick and mascara all the time?  I went to buy two cigarette cases today after work.  I'm not sure why I picked today after work, but I felt the irresistible urge to go buy the smoke shop and buy the cigarette cases.  I picked a silver case, but i saw as i pulled out my Virginia Slim 120s that it was too short and there was not a silver case long enough for them.  Well, I knew I needed another cigarette case for my Mistress Alyssa so i bought a pretty pink case.  I still need to find a silver one for me.

Need To Get Ready For Next Weekend... And Beyond

I will be living as the fetish smoking sissy girl i am the entire next weekend so i need to have a few things.  I want to have 3 new silky, slippery feminine dresses to wear.  Not sure yet where I will get those.  Maybe look at the Roamans shop in the mall.  I also need another pair or 2 of the really silky nylons.  Got some the other day at Wal-Mart but they are a bit coarse---not smooth and silky like I want on my feminine legs.  Also need another anal plug.  I had a good one but got thrown away and I dont love the one I still have.  Last time a cute guy at the shop helped me find one that penetrates to give me feminine pleasure but wasnt so big to be painful.  Thought I had a shop in Temecula to go to but it was closed.  There is still one, but it is more for couples---I think I need a store that caters more to the gay clientel.  I got some panties, although a girl can always use more.  I want another bra, and Wal Mart i think has some that would be good for me.  Oh- yes---and i need make-up- and lipstick.  I got advice to put on some makeup on my lips before putting on the lipstick to keep the color of the lipstick from sinking into my lips and permanently dying them?  I don't know if I'm yet ready for permanently red lips---am I?  Maybe soon.  And a wig!  I might need to order one, but I really need a PO box I think.  But maybe something before then.  Was kept busy the last few days---more reason to think I should be living by myself.  Oh well, my will has gotten so weak, hard to make any decisions myself.  Like I'm just waiting to be told what to do.  Wife does that and have been more appeasing to her even, because I am so submissive now, but I can feel that it is not her who should be controlling me.  Smoking my Virginia Slim 120s more, but not up to half a pack like my Mistress Alyssa has told me I will be doing.  Just holding back a little, but I know I will be there eventually.  I loved smoking with her last time sooooo much.  I was in a complete state of blisss taking those deep drags of the creamy smoke into me and holding in as my mind just melted.  It was completely sex to me.  Maybe I am scared that the only thing left of my former self would completely be dissolved if I give into more smoking.  We will see this coming weekend because I could be smoking the entire weekend which should be enough to completely entrench me as a smoker.