Little Lost Girl

Feel lost lately.  Not been on computer much, which helps me focus.  Have mostly stopped smoking.  So don't get those intense feelings of being a fetish smoking sissy girl.  Have gone back to wearing mens boxer undershorts.  Not dressing much at all.  Still can't purge the femme feelings altogether.  But, without a mistress or master controlling me, my guy self is re-emerging I think.I was so close at one point to becoming completely feminized and sissified!   I was ready to start hormones, get castrated, suck a cock, get a cock up my rear  hole, move out to start dressing full-time.  Chain smoking Virginia Slim 120s---was almost 1-pack a day.  On the way to 2-pack a day.Was at the cliff of becoming totally girl ready to step off into no return to being a guy.  Than my Yahoo-crashed and from there a separation occurred.  Even forgotten my Fet-Life Password.  Have stopped hanging around the girl smokers at break.  Can I just be my guy-self?