Leaving You For A Few Days

I'm getting very used to coming here everyday, but I'm going to be gone for a few days.  It's a little freaky for me to be away--- I feel like I need to be here trying to be more a girl everyday, even though I think I'll have fun where I'm going.  But, I'm at a point that if I'm not being girly, I don't feel good.  Hmmm---well I guess I'll have to be some girly while I'm away.  And, I am sooo going to be more a sissy smoking girl when i get back! Giggle...Of course, my smokes go with me.  Maybe I need to become a 2-pack a day girl when i get back?  And, my Sissy dress will be here soon after I get back, and than we shall really see if my sissy girl inside comes out more and takes over.  I know my head will be swirling with wondering where I am going to go with things after I get back.

Almost forgot to say how really sweet it is to be a girl on No Panty Wednesday!  I just had to use just a smudge of lipstick ---just because I felt so feminine... giggle.  And I slipped on my heels on in my office and left them on all the while I was in there.  They just felt so perfect.  I'm still getting used to wearing them, but I think they will become natural---even necessary to wear if I keep wearing them.

Well, all you ladies and girls---don't think any guys are reading this (although they could), and I think my diary is a girl, too, aren't you sweetie?  I should probably be getting ready for bed.  Still wearing my nighty under my guy pj's but maybe soon that will change.  Maybe time to squeeze a delicious Virginia Slim 120 in---mmmm PLEASURE---they give me so much happiness.

Ready To Order Sissy Dress

I went to my credit union and put money into a debit card to use to order the Mimi Satin Sissy Dress from www.thesissystore.com.  Also getting the matching petticoat, matching sissy girl satin pink panties, the Sissy Collar and Cuffs set, locks, and Mincing Ribbons.  I just hope i put enough money on the card.  The only thing that might hold me up ordering now is that I'm going out of town on Thursday through the weekend, and i might want to wait till im back.  Also the debit card takes 24 hours to activate.  But, the dress will soon be on the way to me.  I'm so excited about the dress, but also nervous some.  I am just partly anxious that my sissification (and maybe feminization too) will take a big step after the dress is with me.  Well, maybe I'll just have a sweet Virginia Slim 120 because the creamy white smoke just makes all my worries fade away as i smoke and i just care about being girly.

Just Letting The Cigarette Take Me To Girl Land

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Was Cold Here

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I keep Dressing More Girly

Wore a blouse today.  Wife saw me and gave me a funny look, but we really didn't talk or see each other much.  I found myself actually looking at adds for "Divorce!"  Am I moving to this?  I definitely am moving toward being a better girl everyday.  Wore just a hint of lipstick.  Am I moving more toward completely dressing everyday?  Was so frustrated!Was going to order the sissy dress, mincing ribbons, and sissy collar (pink and lacy!), but got stuck on working on taxes.  Ugh!  Expensive----going to have to pay!  Keeps popping in my head that I need a tatoo!  Really?  Yes!  But, not sure what I should get. Maybe that is too much of a dramatic change!  Mistress Alyssa is right (of course she is!).  I need another girl to smoke with.  Would be so much more fun to smoke with another girl.  Need to get my sissy dress, than take more steps in becoming a better girl.  Need to get there and than maybe Mistress will let me know where next I'm headed.

What Is My Next Step?

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Moving Closer To Divorce

I'm not sure divorce is what I want, but I don't think my wife will accept the sissy feminine fetish smoking girl i am increasingly becoming.  I have been sleeping in a separate bedroom and wearing nylon nighties to bed.  I wear nylon panties instead of cotton boxers, nylon hos instead of socks, camisoles and slips instead of t-shirts, and often a bra.  Increasingly, heels are replacing my men shoes.  I have started to wear blouses at home.  And although she realizes that i am smoking, she thinks i only smoke a little and she is really pushing me to quit smoking.  And I love Mistress Alyssa and not her.  I want to start trying makeup and maybe even hormones.  I got a debit card so i can order from Birch place a sissy dress, mincers, a sissy collar and sissy panties.  I crave being a smoking sissy girl.  I dont think there is anyway i could stop my now steady progression into becoming a complete girl.  Everytime now i talk to Mistress Alyssa I go deeper under her control.  I dont know what Mistress Alyssa has planned for me, but i am now ready to do everything she decides for me.  I want her to completely brainwash me so I only think what she puts into my head.

Had To Write In Diary

Got out of warm bed to write here.  Couldn't let "day" go by without writing here.  Didn't have time earlier, but woke up in middle of night with irresistible need to do this!  No Panty Wednesday has become a permanent part of my life.  Will soon have my sissy dress I think.  I am a fetish smoking sissy girl and i want to show everyone that is  who i am.

Back To Work

Work wasn't as bad today as I thought it would be.  Got involved in some projects.  But problem was I was identifying so much as a woman, that I was having a very difficult time just being a girl in everything i was doing at work.  I just kept feeling that i should be in full makeup, a wig, skirt blouse, bra, lingerie, heels and hose.  And of course I need to smoke my Virginia Slim 120s.  I wish i could just transition.  Not sure what im going to do about home.  Wife would never accept the girl me.  But, I keep becoming more and more a girl, and less and less good at acting like a guy with her.  But, i need to keep going further and further into being the girl who is really me.  I cant stop it.  I dont want to stop it.  I just want to be Mistress Alyssa's Fetish Smoking Sissy Girl.  Hard to find time to write here in my diary but i have to.  Dont feel right until i do.

Shopping On The Holiday

Nice to have a day off.  Got dressed pretty and feminine to go out shopping. I felt so much like the girl I am. I want everyday to be girly and feminine.  How am I going to do that?  I am also a sissy, and I MUST have my Sissy clothes.  Was going to order them today---I'm not sure why I suddenly fely a compulsion to order them that I could not resist, but my femme feelings were so strong today.  And I smoked a pack and a half today and felt even more a girl.  But, my Credit Union was not open today, so I couldn't get money into the account I needed to in order to order my Sissy dress, sissy collar, and rest of my Sissy things.  I just realized that after I get my Sissy Collar, do I become a Collared Sissy?  Must to do it in the next couple of days.

Wearing Lipstick While I'm Smoking A Cigarette

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New Year's Resolutions

1)  Write here daily.
2)  Buy the Sissy dress, mincers, and sollar from Birch Place
3) Become a 2-pack a day Virginia Slim 120 smoker
4) Suck my first cock
5) Give my first smokey BJ
6) Become more girly
7) Become a Collared Sissy
8) Let everyone know that I am a Fetish Smoking sissy girl
9) Start on female hormones
10) Get breast implants
11) Move to Oregon
12) Get a divorce

Did I leave anything off my list?