Been Missing

Dear Diary---Sorry.  Been not writing for a few days.  Brother-in-law staying here and driving me nuts!  Much harder to find Girl Time for me with him around.

I need to find out if my Sissy Dress has shipped.  They were making it last I saw.  Not sure how long it takes to ship.  Want to look for it so bro in law does not pick it up.  I really need my own personal mailing address.  Not even sure what happens when i get the dress, the ribbons, and collar.  will I just hide it away and not even wear it?  Too scary to put on?  Was experimenting with camera to try taking pictures on my computer, but have lagged on everything lately.  Had No Panty Wednesday, but didnt have the usual excitement that i do most of the time.  Bob has even been interfering with my smoking.  I havent stopped, but have slowed down some.

Am off tomorrow.  Hope to have some time to myself.  Maybe even get to talk to Mistress.  Maybe I'll just sit around in a dress and smoke all day!  Maybe I need to go out to a hotel room.  Maybe I should just retire ---maybe leave everybody here and move to Oregon?  I don't know.  I need someone controlling what I do.

He Is The Bride: Dress Up Week

He Is The Bride: Dress Up Week:   Maybe someday, i will wear these under my bridal gown.

sissy training extreme

sissy training extreme    I loved this!

Was Such A Cutie Yesterday

Mostly a sweet wonderful Valentine's Day yesterday.  I put on black silky car was pants and a sexy silky black blouse over a lacy black bra and nylon black slip and wore it most of the day---even out shopping a bit.  I felt soooo Girly and feminine wearing those things.  Also had on pink heels and a smudge of pink lipstick.  And i was fell completely into a trance having a Virginia Slim 120 with Mistress Alyssa.  I have not felt so high in a while, Giggle.  I couldn't believe how strong a hold over the silky slacks had on me.  I so much did not want to take them off.  Wish i could have spent even more time in them.  Maybe this Saturday---might have more of the day to dress up pretty.  And i was taking some pictures of my self.  Still trying to figure out how to put the pictures up here, in FetLife, and my Yahoo profile like Mistress Alyssa wants me to.  Will be playing around with that the next few days.  Can't stop thinking that I suddenly seem to moving more forward in my feminization.  Showed you a Lolita Dress that i'm having the itch to order.  And want to get even more girly clothes.  But, I should probably hold off until my dress from Birch Place gets here---soon, I hope.  Actually they said that they were making it, and that they would let me know as soon as nit shipped.  I just have this little feeling that that dress is going to change me even more.

Wore Lipstick Driving Home

I had a sudden compulsion to stop and buy a tube of lipstick right after leaving work last night.  Stopped at a CVS Pharmacy and picked up a tube of bright Pink (forgot the exact shade).  I also found myself wanting gloss, but couldn't find it.  Still feeling a need for it, so maybe I'll look for some gloss today.  Felt SOOO girly driving home with my bright pink lipstick on and also wearing high heels.  I was very aware of wearing the lipstick, except my thoughts seemed to blank out as I walked into the house.  Wow, I almost panicked as I realized as i got inside that I hadn't wiped off the lipstick.  I'm not ready yet to announce my girlhood to my wife, and she wouldn't have missed the lipstick i don't think!  But, she wasn't even home.  So I left the lipstick on for a while longer ---giggle. Felt so perfect walking around at home in heels and wearing lipstick, and just in a bra (no panties---No Panty Wednesday, giggle) and nylons and garter and a cami.  Pranced around for a while.  mmmm I'm such a girl!

Classic Satin Stand-up Collar Empire Multi-Layer Floor-length Lolita Dress With Ruffles– Discount Lolita Dresses

Classic Satin Stand-up Collar Empire Multi-Layer Floor-length Lolita Dress With Ruffles– Discount Lolita Dresses

Now that I've ordered my Sissy Dress, I'm getting the itch to order more things!

Tired Of Being A Husband

Wife getting on my nerves today.  Keeps wanting me to be a man.  That is getting harder and harder to fake.  Had to sneak away to smoke, which calmed me down and made me feel like the girl I am.  Only got to wear panties because wife acting suspicious.  I would love to be able to hang out with other Fetish Smoking Sissy girls like me.  Would love to dress and smoke with someone.  And I am not attracted to wife's pussy anymore, I think I need to suck on a nice juicy cock.  No place to  go around here.  Put my butt plug in---felt so good.  Maybe look for a dildo too.  Starting to think about hormones.  That might push me over the edge into complete girlhood!

Car Races Today

Went with some friends to watch a couple of the guys drive race cars on the track.  I almost felt like one of the wives.  Giggle.  Except I didn't have a husband there.  Giggle...  But, sitting there with the other girls, wearing of course, panties, nylons, and cami under jeans and a sweatshirt.  And sneaking away for a smoke a couple of times.   mmmmm---I think I could learn to live as a girl for all the time.  Thinking about when I will get my Sissy dress.  Not quite sure what's going to happen, then, but I am so looking forward to it.  Trying to change my Avatar, but messed it up.  Damn, I am such an airhead around computer and tech stuff. Giggle.

Ordered My Sissy Dress And Sissy Things!

I finally did it!  Not sure how it happened, but I was talking with Mistress Alyssa, and the NEED to order became completely irresistible!  I had to go do it right while I was talking with her!  I order the satin frilly pink Sissy Dress with matching panties, the Mincing Ribbons with locks, and the shiny satiny pink Sissy Collar that I need to be wearing very soon.  It was more expensive than i really wanted to spend, but I felt i really had no choice, that i was craving it so much that I just had to have it.  My will is pretty much gone anyway.  I think i was so excited all day, that I forgot to write here in my diary!  Bad girl!  I don't know, but I already feel different now that I have ordered---somehow more girly, more a submissive Fetish Smoking Sissy girl.  And I want to show who I am to the world!  I am a girl and I want to be a better girl.

Was So Much A Woman Going To Work Today

Had on smooth nylon panties, a lacy bra, a silky camisole, nylon hose under my yucky men's clothes going to work today.  Took my high heels and lipstick with, which I kept thinking about putting on all day.  Used some chap stick and pretended that it was lipstick.  Went outside to smoke and slipped on my heels.  I really  belonged in a silk blouse and a nylon skirt.  Would have felt much better.  What would really feel nice would be the Sissy dress, the erotic mincing ribbons, and the frilly sissy collar that I am on the verge of ordering.  I probably should go get my card so that I can order them.  But, i am nervous about ordering them----I just have this feeling that things will change for me if I order them.  I just seem to be in a daze about the whole thing.  Waiting for myself to do something, but I'm paralyzed.  I find that i am less able to decide things anymore.  Who am i becoming?  I don't think i know anymore.  I don't know if I'm deciding anymore.  It's being decided for me i think.  Maybe I don't have a choice anymore.  I think I will find out soon.

Put Sizes Into Birch Place

Went to my account on Birch Place, and decide I needed to re-do all my sizes.  Took quite a while.  Finally just finished up, and I guess I'm procrastinating placing my order.  But, it is all set up, and i have my debit card ready to enter into the payment box.   Was No Panty Wednesday, so i won't be wearing panties to bed tonight.  Was going to buy a pack of Eves tonight, but didn't stop.  Not sure why.  Realized i was wearing high heels on the drive home and i didn't want to get out of my vehicle i guess.  Anyone else smoke Eve's.  They do have a very feminine pack.  I guess i'm hesitating ordering my Sissy dress, because there is a feeling that things will change after that.  I'm not sure why I should have that feeling, but it is drifting around my mind.  I have to be careful in that i sometimes go into automatic behavior and my mind goes blank and i just do things.  Maybe its that I am seemingly always on the verge of dropping into a trance, and i fall into a hypnotic trance so easily.

Wore My Butt Plug today

Dear Diary---Also wanted to say that I wore my butt plug today.  I'd forgotten how much I enjoy the feeling of having that in me.  But, I need to get a new one I think.  This one doesn't stay put very well and doesn't go as deep as I would like.  Need to go looking.  planning to order my Sissy dress, mincing ribbons, and sissy collar tonight.  Should  finally have the alone time i need to get through the process.  Oh, and  it's No panty wednesday tomorrow (this morning?) too.  Got to be really femmy.  Wow---am I getting to  be more girl!

Had To Stop For Cigarettes

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I Love Lipstick On My Cigarette

Applied a little lipstick before smoking a cigarette today.  Left a red mark on the cigarette that was so feminine and sexy.  Didn't want to wipe the lipstick off, but it was red, and I had to (I guess).  OMG---I ran out of cigarettes today, and didn't have a chance to buy another pack.  I'm without cigarettes tonight.  Wonder if I should see how long I can go without a smoke to see if I am really addicted.  I do want one now, but I think I could go without for right now.  Need to re-do my measurements so I can order my Sissy dress from Birch Place.

Back From Mammoth Mountain

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