I Am Mistress Alyssa's Fetish Smoking Sissy Girl But Still Feeling Conflicted

I want to be a girl, I am a girl, but I still feel hesitation to move forward in my feminization.  I started to put clear coat nail polish on my nails, but chickened out after 2 nails on each hand. How much further can I go before wifey notices.  It will not be good if she does.  But, I already love Mistress Alyssa more than my wifey.  And everytime I see Mistress Alyssa online I become submissive.  I have to go away next week on a business trip.  I'm not sure how I am to work that.  Will I try to be girly as much as I can?  Or try to just be a man while away?  Wear a nylon nightie to bed or mens pajamas?  I am finding that I am less and less sure of myself.  That I look for guideance from Mistress Alyssa.  When I'm on my cam with Mistress Alyssa, I am completely under her control.  I feel filled up with her, her thoughts, her plans for me.