Can't Stop Pushing Toward Becoming More Fewminized, More Sissified, And an Addicted Smoker

Sometimes it feels like I'm trying to think that really nothing is happening to me and I'm not becoming more and more feminized, not turning into a sissy, and not increasingly becoming addicted to smoking.  But it is seeming that all I want to do are things that will make me more that way.  My strongest focus has become to do things that will make me increasingly feminized, more a sissy, stronger and stronger smoking addiction, and totally bound to my Mistress Alyssa.  I think there is still a little bit of me that holds onto the belief that I will at some point stop all of this.  But, I can also feel melinda trying to make changes that will feminize me past the point of no return.  Make changes that are irreversible.

I tried to do some shopping today for femme things at Fashion Blvd., in Garden Grove because I had read on the internet that it was a good place for a cd to shop.  Although they had some silky dresses I really liked, they didn't have much for cds.  Shopping for mail order/online is starting to seem like a better and better idea.  I will be wearing a Lolita Dress that Mistress Alyssa picks out for me.  They also have wigs that might be right for me.  Maybe I should order some dresses and boots for my Mistress as well.

I watched Midnight In Paris, and not only did i find that I was enjoying the dresses on the women, I really enjoyed watching so many of the women smoke.  I was trying to copy the way the girls held their cigarettes without attracting my wife's attention. 

Reflecting on what I said earlier here---and I love writing here, it is my diary now, most of the things that i choose to do now are things involving my feminization, my sissification, my smoking fetish, or thinking about being hypnotized by Mistress Alyssa and brainwashed by her.  Those other things in my life are becoming less and less important.