Actually, I NEED to have a vagina. I don't think I was so sure that I would ever have one until I spoke with Mistress Alyssa last night. Than all doubts faded away somehow. I have actually started to experience the sensation of wind blowing up my skirt and feeling it on my vagina. Feels so wonderful! And I am also going through the experience of having delicious smoke from a cigarette surrounding my vagina and going up into my vagina. Oh My God, the feeling is incredible! So erotic! I think questions of moving forward in my feminization might have been seeping up through the back regions of my mind where maybe still a small bit of male-self is holding up in; but Mistress Alyssa having me smoke a Virginia Slim 120 made those doubts go right back down into that little male-self. My mind was in a cloud last night as I smoked 4 Virginia Slim 120s with Mistress Alyssa. I was floating as I slipped on a silky magenta nylon nighty and quietly got into bed so as to not disturb the woman who I'm having trouble with still thinking of as my wife. just the other day i was thinking that we would try to get closer again, but my girl self, Melinda Anne, is pushing that idea away as she wants to be more and more feminine without a wife. This still troubles me some, but than I smoke a Virginia Slim 120, and I only feel sissy girl thoughts and desires. I woke up at some point in the night, and there must have been a worry still there about keeping things going with the wife, and i put my pjs on over my nighty. I thought for a moment about taking off my nighty and just wearing the pjs, but my girl-self very quickly prevented that from happening. I had thoughts of going down to see if Mistress Alyssa was online, but I fell back asleep.
I have been thinking of trying Albion (sp?) as a way to make my mind even more receptive to brain washing by Mistress Alyssa, but I'm not knowledgeable completely on how Albien works. Maybe I'll try to get some and see how it feels.
Mmmmm, I have a sudden craving for a VS 120 Menthol. These cravings seem to come more often lately.
I was actually thinking that maybe I couldn't become addicted to smoking, but maybe I am addicted.
I think my steps toward being totally controlled and transformed into a complete Fetish Smoking Sissy Girl owned by Mistress Alyssa have been smaller than Mistress Alyssa wants, but I can feel myself going down that road, one baby sissy step after the next.
The idea of taking hormones keeps popping up in my head. I guess that I know once I find a place to order them, and I do go ahead and order them, I won't be able to resist trying them once I get them, and than upping the amount I'm taking, and before I realize it, I will be hooked on them, and won't be able to stop taking them. And as I am taking them, they will be changing both my body and my mind. And soon, I won't be able to hide those changes, and I will HAVE to embrace being a complete girl.
So many things going on, and more and more I am just going with how Mistress Alyssa is guiding and molding me.
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