Palm Springs

Was out to Palm Springs today.  Wish I had been there for the transgender contingent of the Gay Pride Weekend, but was actually out there for the ABBA "cover" group/band at a casino.  I so wanted to be one of the girls in the band.  So feminine and pretty, and wearing satiny shiny 70's mini dress.  Got to see a lot of other girls smoking in the casino which made me feel very girly too.

Smoked my first Virginia Slim 120 menthols on Friday.  Not sure I like them as much as the VS regulars.  The menthols do seem stronger, and I got dizzy from them.  I did smoke about 10 of them on Friday, and I could taste them all day.  It was wonderful talking to my Mistress Alyssa on Friday, whom I had not spoken to in a couple of days.  Some guests around had made it difficult to  get on the computer.

I am still working out finding a PO Box to get mail and mail order clothes and other girly things (Hormones, etc).  Having to get taxes done has also complicated time concerns.

Wife has been nicer lately.  Maybe she senses I was pulling away, and she wants to get back closer again.  Not sure how I feel about that.  But, I just have to look at myself in the mirror wearing something femme, or even sit down with a Virginia Slim 120 and let the submissive girly feelings wash over me and all I can think of is that I am Mistress Alyssa's fetish smoking sissy girl and I want to eliminate everything in myself except my girl self.  Smoking has become sex to me, and I don't know if I need or even want it anymore with my wife.  When I smoke, I just get so much pleasure and just want to be the sissy girl I am.  But, do I push further into my sissification and feminization?  Do I try and stay where I'm at right now and kind of live a double life?  I know my wife would like to pull me back to being her husband, but I'm not sure that I can be that anymore.  Have I gone to far in having melinda take over?   I am so addicted to dressing now could I really stop doing it?  Am I addicted to smoking now too?  And could I not obey my Mistress Alyssa, who I am feeling a need of wanting to wear her sissy collar and serve her completely?!  How far is Mistress Alyssa going to take me in my feminization and sissification?  I don't have any answers right now.