Trying A Balancing Act

I am trying to achieve a balance between my fetish smoking sissy girl self and the masculine, assertive man who I'm supposed to be.  I say this while I'm slipping on a silky sheer pair of black nylon hose over my legs and attaching them to a black lace garter I'm wearing.  lol. of my  Looking over the twin mounds of my lacy bra tightly covered with a silky smooth polyester cami. And all the while, it's taking every bit of my willpower not to slip into a silky sheer nylon blouse instead of the cotton men's button down shirt I need (?) to wear to work.  My willpower holds---this time...It has become increasingly difficult to repress my feminine mannerisms that have become natural to me, and to hold back the desire to just come out as a transgender woman at work.  It would probably just better to retire and move away from here---even if it mean leaving my wife.  But, as I said, I'm trying to create some sort of balance where I can experience being melinda, but not lose all the rest of my life.  It becomes increasingly hard to resist the desire to be controlled, to be a complete sissy, and totally feminized.  I have had thoughts of quiting smoking, but my cigs make me feel so nice, I feel so much P L E A S U R E from them, and i feel submissive, so girly when I smoke.  And I find myself dreaming of once again being one of Mistress Alyssa's girls.  And doing everything I must to be her girl.  When I was under Mistress Alyssa's control, I felt so secure.  I didn't have to think much, rather I would just follow the path that Mistress had conditioned me to follow.  It was becoming more and more automatic.  It would be so easy and feel so right to go back to that.  I think i am a girl who needs to be owned.  But, the thoughts that I can't just give up being a guy seeps back in.  I thought that I could just choose to go back to being a man, but Mistress Alyssa has too deeply conditioned me for that to happen.  Mistress has transformed me into a Fetish Smoking Sissy Girl, and I am afraid that i will always be one from now on.  The only question is whether i will give into the constant overwhelming desire to be melinda completely inside AND outside.  Maybe I'll just have another delicious Virginia Slim 120 and let my mind slip further into that wonderful feminine and submissive sense of self.

Feeling Even More Girly Today

Want to be so girly today.  What do I wear?  Something light and silky and sheer.  Bought a nice silky cami over the weekend.  Thought I was done doing that!  But, I felt the need so strongly.  Will wear that black lacy bra under my cami.  It makes my chest show a little, but I get a great little feeling showing to everyone really looking that I'm a girl.  Giggle.  And i want to smoke more Virginia Slim 120s!  Maybe I'll take 2 packs with me today and see if I can start on becoming a 2-pack a day smoking girl.  Have not been smoking with anyone at work, but maybe I'll look for someone.  And cigarettes are not the only thing i'm craving lately.  I'm thinking about cocks a lot.  Do I need a boyfriend?  To treat me like the girl i am!?

Becoming The Best Fetish Smoking Sissy Girl I Can Be

Seeing how much of a Sissy Girl I can become.  I'm back to wearing lingerie full-time, and other pieces of femme clothing are seeping into my wardrobe.  I have been working out some financial issues, but I think I am about ready to order my Sissy dress and things from Birch Place.  I am not very good with the computer stuff and working in photos, but I am working at taking some femme shots of me that i can place here and in my profiles to show the Fetish Smoking Sissy Girl I am.  I act more and more like a girl, and I really want a cock to suck.  Anyone know where I can find one?! LOL.  I was reminded on how smoking a delicious Virginia Slim 120 pushes out those doubts about being a girl, and I felt so feminine and submissive after smoking one last night.  I need to find a person to help me take photos and video myself smoking while dressed.  Anyone know someone who can help me?

Was Melinda A Lot On Trip

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

I Will Be Dressed Girly Tomorrow

Thought briefly about wearing only guy things for work tomorrow.  But, I realize that I am a girl now, and I will be wearing silky nylon panties, a satiny bra, smooth sheer nylons, a silky lacy polyester cami tomorrow.  And I am trying to resist the idea of rearing a silky blouse instead of my men's shirt.   I was going to go all guy tomorrow, but I love and am addicted to dressing now.  And need to fill up my pick cigarette case with long slim, feminine Virginia Slim 120s.  I think I need to bring an extra pack tomorrow.  I am not going to act girly tomorrow---giggle, of course I will!

What Am I Doing

What has happened to me?  I'm a girl now and I'm not entirely sure how it happened.  I was living a life as a guy, but now I'm about to show and tell everyone that I'm a girl.  I am ready to post pictures of me dressed and very girly/  That will probably change my life.  Am I ready for that?  Can I do that?  Am I to the Point of really No Return?

Doing As I'm Told

Mailed off my silver cigarette case as I was told.  Have started smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.  I have often been wearing blouses instead of shirts.  I guess I am coming along.  Had thoughts that i might start backsliding into being a guy.  Don't think that is happening.