i am a girl and need to become a complete woman

having to deal with car issues from the accident when i should be working on ordering my satin sissy dress, my mincers, and my sissy collar from birch place.  Expensive deductible on car and still problems.  Delaying get the things i really need---like my girly things.  And I have been walking around in a daze.  Smoked 10 delicious mind dazing Virginia Slim 120 cigarettes yesterday.  The long white feminine cigarettes hypnotize me and all i feel is sexy submissive femininty and just a feeling of wanting to show that.  Brother in law still with us, and that makes it difficult.  But, urge to show my femininty so strong that i was letting a long lacy slip hang out just a little from the bottom of my shorts when he was around.  Not sure he noticed.  I am having such a compulsion to show my girl self. And now, even strong thoughts of starting hormones.  Where Am I Going?  Is this all getting too crazy??!!!