My Mind Has Gotten Hazy

I still remember a time when I used to think things through.  Where I had a sense of planning what I was doing.  But, now I just seem to act by the needs and thoughts that appear in my head.  I think about needing that next delicious Virginia Slim 120 cigarette.  And how much bliss i feel when I smoke one.  And how erotic and sexy and feminine I feel dressing in silky sheer feminine clothes, and how much I need to dress more and more that way.  And how i love feeling so submissive and obeying my Mistress Alyssa.  Other thoughts do still come into my head that I am taking these things too far, that soon it will be all who I am.  But, those thoughts have become very hazy, and I can't seem to bring them into focus anymore.  I do at times start thinking about what I am doing, but so easy to let those thoughts go.  So pleasureful just to allow myself to follow my needs that I dont even need to think about.  I started this blog starting to focus on that maybe i need to slow all this feminization down, but I looked at my pack of Virginia Slim 120s----and they were so sexy so inviting, I needed to take one out to look at it.  I had thought about testing myself not to smoke 10 cigarettes, but why would I do that?  They call to me.  I want to have a sexy Virginia Slim 120 between my lips all the time.

Pretty Silver Cigarette Case

I was over at a shopping center today, and I suddenly had an overwhelming urge to go into a Smoke Shop I was walking past.  It was if my legs had a mind of their own.  I walked into the shop and found myself explaining to the shop owner that I needed a silver case for Virginia Slim 120s.  He found me a shiny, pretty feminine one and I felt a little thrill to see a rose engraved on its cover.  I knew I had to have it.  I also got a little giddy to see so many packages of VS 120s on the wall.  I asked him which ones were the strongest, but I dont think he knew.  I ended just getting a pack of the same Virginia Slim 120s that I always do, even though I already still have half a pack left.  Just felt good to buy more.  And now I have the beautiful silver cigarette case.  I stared at the case, almost feeling like I was in a trance.  But, I know i am such a good hypnosis subject.  I'm not sure why I know this, I just do.  And I am feeling increasingly under hypnosis.  I just am always feeling so submissive and open and following things i dont even know how they popped into my head. 

Woke Up This Morning In My Nighty And Confused

This morning, I woke up and found that I was still wearing my filmy silky magenta baby doll nighty and matching panties.  I also realized that I was wearing a bra.  I at first couldn't remember where I was.  My mind was in a fog.  And I had my thumb in my mouth sucking away---and I was dreaming it was a cock!I thought I was a girl (well I am a girl---but not one pretending to be a guy), and maybe I was with someone whose cock I needed to suck.   Well, no cock there! Just my thumb, but that felt so blissful to suck on.  In and out, tongue circling it.  Damn!  Hurried out of bed so wife would not see me, thinking that I should not be living here anymore.  Went outside and broke out a delicious sexy, feminine Virginia Slim 120.  Since a couple of days ago when I spoke with my Mistress Alyssa, I have fallen further under the craving to smoke----I feel drugged when I smoke.  The long sexy Virginia Slim 120s make me feel so feminine, so girly, so submissive, so much like I am transforming into Mistress Alyssa's fetish smoking sissy girl.  Its all I want to be now.  Mostly what I think about.  i live for when I can talk to her, and can't wait to see what she is going to do to me next.  And I just have the feeling now that I can and should tell her everything about me.  I just want to show how much she owns me, controls me, is molding me into the fetish smoking sissy girl that i need to completely transform into.  I have a feeling that Im acting and thinking more like a girl without even realizing it. 

Virginia Slim 120s Give Me Bliss

I have started to worship my Virginia Slim 120s.  They have become my addiction.  I want to keep them in a very special place so I am looking for a very special silver case to keep them in.  People keep asking me what has changed with me.  I think perhaps because I am acting so much like a girl the past couple of days.  I'm not completely sure because I'm only doing what feels natural to me.  I can hardly stand to wear boy clothes anymore.  Got a dress in the mail, and it took all my will power not to go put it on and show everyone the girl i am.  I want to find a feminine transformation service so I can show how completely feminized i am now to my Mistress Alyssa.  I want to get a hotel room for a couple of days to smoke and dress and talk to my Mistress Alyssa.  After that I will be completely addicted to smoking, dressing, and obeying Mistress Alyssa.  Maybe that will be the time to move out/

Ordered A Dress-Want More

Been so busy lately.  Had a cold too.  Was smoking 8 cigarettes a day, but slowed down while feeling bad.  Feeling better now.  Do I move forward on smoking to really establish a smoking addiction?  My need to have dresses addiction is growing.  Ordered a silky disco dress although I don't know how I'm going to sneak it past wife.  Let alone where to keep it.  Really want lots of silky dresses (and silky blouses and silky skirts) hanging in full view in my closet.  Have been having dreams of sucking my Mistress Alyssa's penis, than wake up and I'm sucking my thumb.  When did I start sucking my thumb>!!!  Wear a silky nighty to bed a lot too.  Being careful to hide from wife, but it starts to become so much me that I forget I'm wearing one, and might get careless.   Actually looked at an apartment thinking that I might want a new place to live.  Walked into the apartment office without thinking about it, and realized, "what am I doing?  Am I really this far down the road?!"  Wish Mistress Alyssa knew someone I could live with.  Actually really wish I could live with Mistress Alyssa!  Still working on finding make up.  Not sure what is going to happen if I start wearing make up.  But, i wear nylon panties mostly---exscept today---its No Panties Wednesday!  I'll wear thigh high nylons (need some silky ones) and a camisole.  I could wear lots of lingerie on cold day like this.

Ordered A Dress

Ordered a smooth silky polyester dress.  Was also going to order a second very sheer black silk one, but they were out.  I want to fill my closet with silky slippery smooth dresses, skirts and blouses.  No more shirts and pants.  Maybe i should start looking for an apartment or a room.  Anyone out there have a room to rent or a house to share?

Destined To Completely Become Mistress Alyssa's Fetish Smoking SissyGirl

Even when I drop off the path of feminization and sissification for a few days, I find that I can't keep myself from finding my way right back to that path.  I have smoked 8 cigarettes today, and I will smoke more.  I can't wait to do my smoking video while dressed for my Mistress Alyssa.  Something weird has happened.  I have started sucking my thumb when I go to bed---and thinking that i am sucking of Mistresss Alyssa's cock.  I re-painted my toenails today.  They are so shiny now.  I'm thinking of putting another coat on them to make them even shinier.  I am using the clear coat.  I have not made love to my wife in a while.  Smoking is now sex for me and smoking has replaced sex with my wife.  I increasingly don't need her.  She is in the way of my becoming the complete Fetish Smoking Sissy Girl and in belonging to Mistress Alyssa.  I find that I need to speak to Mistress Alyssa.  Speaking to her is like taking crack to me.  I have come to need it.  Need it more and more.